The year that many have called a horrible one, 2016, has finally come to an end. The arrival of 2017, as with every new year, brings with it promise for new beginnings and fresh starts and blah, blah blah. I’ve never been one to follow traditional ways for the most part, and the only New Year’s Resolution I have really ever made in my life was resolving not to make any resolutions.
This year will be different though. This year I am not only making one resolution. I have a long list of them. I guess I am finally making up for all of those years when I never changed a thing except the date. Getting better organized is at the top of my list. The truth of the matter is that I am still working on my spring cleaning…. From 2013.
While I would like to have an immaculate house, like the one my mother kept, the fact is I live in what I like to call “Creative Chaos”. My house is not filthy, it is just a work in progress, or at least that’s what I keep telling myself.
Three years ago I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD. It was a very enlightening moment for me to realize that my brain doesn’t function like most people’s do. Yes, I went through the whole, “Oh my gosh! I’m friggin’ crazy!” shock to my system phase, and then I started about working to fix it. I am a problem solver, and I love a good challenge, so I saw it more as a test than anything else. If anything, once I began to really think about things, it was actually wonderful in a way to find out that my brain doesn’t function like most people’s, because all of a sudden, things made sense to me.
There are no drugs for this disorder, and no cure. It is just something you have to learn to live with. My emotions go on a roller coaster ride everyday. It’s like I’m waiting in line at Disney World one minute, and then all of a sudden, one text, or phone call changes all that and I have a move to the front of the line pass and get shoved into a car on Space Mountain and just hang on for the ride, not knowing what direction I am going in.
It is a long road to wellness, with the ultimate goal for me being to find balance. I don’t think I’ve ever really had any real balance in my life. It’s always been one extreme or the other.
With that said, the trick is HOW to find that balance. There is no one tried and true way for anyone who suffers from BPD to ultimately achieve the goals they have set for themselves in order to live what is considered a “normal” life. Each case in innately different, and different tools and approaches must be used. Since I have always been artistic, my approach has been a sort of art therapy, mixed in with spiritual healing, a part of my life that I had lost touch with when stress took over.
Part of my healing has also included clearing the clutter from my life so my brain has less to worry about. Creative Chaos is okay, but living in chaos is not.
I moved into my house three and a half years ago, and I have still not really finished getting it set up the way I want it. So, my task as of late has been to slowly go through all the old junk lying around here and purge, purge, purge. Some days I am much better at getting rid of things than others, but baby steps count, and I am at least getting more out than I am bringing in.
While reorganizing the shed recently, I came across a tote marked UFOs. One lone tote of about what seems like thirty out there, all with projects that I started and never finished. In Crafter lingo, UFO stands for UnFinished Object. Some choose to call them WIPs, for Work In Progress. I guess I chose to call them UFOs because I wasn’t working on them at the time, so I didn’t consider them WIPs. They were more a “maybe I will finish these things someday” kind of thing.
It was only then did I see the correlation between these scraps of fabric waiting to be sewn, half-finished afghans and unpainted pieces of wood and myself. I, too, am an unfinished object, a work in progress, in need of attention to make myself a useful object that is also a piece of art.
The repetitive motion of pulling one loop through another, the clickity-clack of knitting needles hitting each other, the hum of a sewing machine, these are all soothing to me. Working on anything creative is my way of meditating.
I realized months ago that working on amigurumi dolls allowed my brain to finally take a break from itself. I’m not one to use stitch markers, (as noted in the beginning of this post, I do not do most things in a traditional manner, however what I did not mention is that I somehow always seem to choose the more difficult road to accomplish things), so I have to count every single stitch that I make. I MUST stay focused on what I am doing if I am to avoid failure. It is very healing for me. Could it be that working on these UFOs of mine would cause a similar result? I guess I will find out.
I am tackling one project at a time, in between working on new designs and orders for customers of my etsy shop. I hope you will follow along with me as I dive into the totes and choose which projects to complete, which projects to tear apart and salvage materials from, and which projects to just totally toss in the bin for good and say goodbye to forever.
The truth is that although I, too, am an unfinished object and a work in progress, I don’t ever want to stop being that! I don’t ever want to be finished learning, and growing and changing. I don’t want to be stagnant. At the same time however, that does not mean that I cannot be complete.
I will be sharing patterns and ideas, and I’m sure there will be lots of laughs along the way as well. I might even share a recipe or two, if I don’t kill my own family with them anyway. I hope that this blog will inspire others to find their creative side, finish the UFOs in their own life, and share their journeys of healing and growth as well.